Q: “What is Erotophobia?”

Erotophobia What is erotophobia? So the word erotophobia comes from Eros, the Greek God of erotic love, and Phobos, which is Greek for fear. So essentially it means the fear of erotic love. Aside from etymology, erotophobia is a fear of sex or sexually related stimuli. It manifests in negative feelings, thoughts, or attitudes about various aspects relating to. These various aspects of sex could include nudity, images of nudity, masturbation, different types of sex, sex education, contraception, talking about sex, non-marital sex, childhood sexuality, elder sexuality, different kinds of sexualities, period, sexual fantasies, pornography, sex work, sexual images, and lots more. Erotophobia is not often something someone gets diagnosed with and treated for, especially not in the way that I’m going to discuss it today. Erotophobia is really an umbrella term that covers a lot of sex-related fears, similar to how our society here in the US is systematically racist and homophobic. It’s also erotophobic. You may be asking, how is our society erotophobic? I see sex everywhere. Hmm. Well, yes, people may argue that we live in a society that’s hyper-focused on sex, but we don’t. We live in a society that has commercialized, commodified, and in some cases, weaponized sex. Sex is used to sell. Even products that have nothing to do with sex will feature a red lip woman opening her mouth to eat a hotdog or a chiseled man dripping in sweat and chopping wood, displaying a lovely blue handled selling act that you can buy online or a store near you. Advertisers are using the allure of sexual themes to get you to buy something, in this case, a hot dog or an axe. It’s ingrained in most people to crave sex or sexual images, so using subtly sexual images can help sell products that have nothing to do with sex. Now, I just said it’s ingrained in most people to crave sex or sexual images, but there’s some lovely irony in that phenomena. Sex is used to sell random products, but you, the average person walking through your sexual life shouldn’t act too sexual. It’s improper, immoral, or just wrong. But wait, you were just using sexy images to sell me something, but I can’t delight in my own sexuality. No, of course not, you pervert. Take a look at celebrity culture as well. They wear tiny or tight outfits designed to accentuate their bodies or show a lot of skin, and it’s usually considered a sexy fashion statement. Many people will laude their sexy looks, but right next to them comes the shout: “Slut”, “pornographic”, “ungodly”, et cetera, et cetera, and taking the irony to another level, while celebrities might be praised for these sexy clothes, you were something similar in your hometown, and it could get you a ton of unwanted attention. This takes the form of both explicit verbal messages and implicit societal messaging like, “Slut”, “Prostitute”, “Fag”, “You shouldn’t be wearing that”, “You’re being provocative” , “There are children here!” , “Nobody wants to see that”, and on and on. You can only own your sexiness and sexuality when you’re advertising for a product, brand or movie. And or when you’re someone who is considered popular, thin and conventionally attractive. But even then, you’re still a dirty slut or a gross player, or somehow just sexually immoral, wrong or deviant. It kind of feels like we can’t win. So you starting to see the irony now, if not, let me throw a few other ironic or oxymoronic things out there. Think about Victoria’s Secret angels or female celebrities that are sex icons. Person 1: “Look at them, aren’t they hot, sexy? Those are the women. Men want the ones they chase after.” Person 2: “What a slut. She’s disgusting.” Person 1: “But my God, isn’t she hot?” Person 2: “Think about all the men she’s probably been with. Ugh, so dirty.” Person 1: “Look at her in that tiny bikini and those large breasts. Ugh. I’m so jealous. All the boys probably want her.” Person 2 :”You’re just asking to be assaulted. What a whore.” What about what a lot of parents tell their kids when they’re younger? “Sex is awful. It destroys your life. It’s dirty, and if you do it, you’re going to hell.” “But when you’re married and you have sex, then that’s okay. That’s the person that you’re gonna be with for the rest of your life. Save yourself for them.” ” You’re a man. You can’t be with another man.” “What do you mean? You’re not male or female. You can’t choose your gender.” “But when sex is done with the right person in the right way, then it’s really a magical moment.” “Uh, don’t do it. Don’t go down on a man. It’s disgusting. You’ll hate it, sweetheart. Really, it’s just the worst thing that, that you could ever do.” ” It’s this sacred spiritual thing between the two of you.” Why do parents make their kids so afraid of sex. Unless their child is adopted, then that parent had to have sex in order to create the child, and yet when they talk to their kids about it, it’s like, it’s this huge, horrible, scary thing. A lot of parents will say it’s because they are trying to discourage their child from sexual activity, but abstinence education has proven time and time again that it does not work. If anything, it creates more teen pregnancies and a prevalence in STIs. We live in a society that has taught us to crave sex, fear sex, and be afraid of sex all at the same time somehow. So is society oversexed? Yes, to a degree. Society is hyper-focused on commercialized, unrealistic sexual themes. and ones that suit the needs of the people in power. Sex, sexuality, and sexually related topics aren’t just being gate kept. They’re often being weaponized against you. But what about the children? I’m glad you asked. Let’s talk about nudity for a moment. In an 18 year longitudinal study by a Okami et all (PMID: 9681119), it was found that exposure to parental nudity in childhood was actually associated with positive sexual interactions later in life, less sexual experience in adolescence, reduced use of drugs, and reduced levels of theft. Isn’t it just crazy that nudity is so taboo? I mean, these are our bodies and at various different points in history, not a whole lot was covering it. And also most of these are parts that all of us have, and yet we see people nude and everyone freaks out. It’s like I’m reading a magazine and suddenly… bare breasts. “Ah!” …But wait a second. Don’t I have those? Haven’t I seen them? Why does it have to be so weird? Why are we so afraid? Erotophobia. So what are some consequences of erotophobia? Just to name a few: homophobia; people talking to their partners about sex less, therefore, people not having as fulfilling sex lives; Less communication about and access to contraception, leading to more teen pregnancies, more abortions; Less education on sex leading to perpetuation of assaults or other harmful behaviors; Lack of knowledge about healthy sexual practices, which then creates legal problems for certain consensual sexual behaviors, like kink. It also causes censor; Fear of touch; It can lead to poor body image and it increases sexual shame. Recently, the word erotophobia has also been used by anti-oppression activists to describe these sex negative attitudes as a form of discrimination and oppression. Erotophobia isn’t intense fear or panic when sex or sexual themes show up. It can result in that, but it’s also these implicit messages weaved into the fabric of our society, and it can take a lot of conscious effort to tune out those messages and be your proud, open sexual self.