Q: “What role does our brain play in sex?”

Lyndi here. we are going to chat a little bit about how our brain is our biggest sex organ there is one part of the brain that is constantly scanning the environment on a low level for all the really good reasons to be turned on right now and what does part of the brain is looking at is what are we seeing smelling tasting hearing touching and as this card to bring his looking for those kind of sexually relevant things it really can cause actually as to how the physiological sense of feeling turned on this week and sometimes or is it sometimes referred to as the accelerator of our sexual system and is also known as the sexual excitation system and that is just one part of the story though because there’s another part of the brain in this part of the brain is getting the environment on a low level all the time as well it is looking for what are we seeing hearing smelling tasting touching thinking believing remembering imagining what it is looking at all those things as what are the good reasons to be turned off for right now and so is this part of the brain and can be sadder the break of our sexual system it’s also known as our sexual inhibition system so we think of our kind of sexualities this as having a brake and accelerator and that can sometimes be helpful for us understanding things because we all understand how cars were so if your foot is firmly on the break of your car it doesn’t matter how much gas you put on it how much you put your foot on that accelerator you’re not going to go anywhere or if she’ll go someplace it’s going to be a bumpy and comfortable ride and it might not be very pleasurable so so much about really great sex about just wanting to have sex has a lot to do with how do we take our foot off the in order to put our foot on that accelerator and so when we think about things that might put her foot on the brake those are things like stress and text dress is one of the biggest brakes that because when we are stress that is are sympathetic branch of the nervous system that’s basically sending a message through our entire body that says the world is not a safe place right now is it when were stressed out the last thing our nervous system wants is for us to get naked and vulnerable with another human being even if that human being is the most amazing person on the planet and the person that we feel the safest with there is still a part of our system that’s like no thank you it so that can be really helpful to just pay attention to cuz if we’re highly stressed maybe we need to really work on how do I decrease stress in my life so that I have some space to even begin to put my foot on the accelerator and begin to even notice that my photos on the accelerator that when are 4 this firmly on that break and we’re really stressed and it’s that part of the brain that is looking for reasons to get your mouth has really activated and the part of the brain that looking for reasons to be turned on is either not activated at all or it’s really really needed it but other things that can put her foot on the brake can be if we are having any physical health issues or if we haven’t been sleeping very well right sleep into biological Drive in the body we need to sleep and if we don’t sleep we actually can start having health issues or it actually contributes to a ceiling more stressed out so getting leave might be something that your body needs and wants and is going to prioritize over sex feeling hungry feeling overwhelmed by the world managing things that are happening with your family having a bad day at work all of these things can be things that can contribute to our flipping on the break other things though could be like a sex been painful in the past because it remember part of what that break system does is it remembers things with the last time you had sex it was really painful or it wasn’t all that pleasurable and then your partner something approaches you about sex again there’s a part of your brain that remembers that last time when does that’s okay and so it’s really important that we start getting curious about what’s putting our foot on the brake and then how can we take our foot off the brake in order for our foot to go on that accelerator see something that can be really interesting to do at home would be to get out of piece of paper and to write down the last time you had sex and it was really really great and attention to what were all the things about it that made it great how was your mood that day I was your relationship with your partner what setting were you in Were you in what were the other factors that were happening in your life in that moment and start to maybe kind of think a little bit more about how do you begin what are the things that do allow your foot to be put on that accelerator and noticing those moments when your foot is off the break and then you also then when I break down then the last time you had sex and it was a really unsatisfying it was not that enjoyable if it was painful if I’m kind of bored by it and notice everything around that situation as well too because that’s going to maybe give you some good ideas about putting your foot on the brake and what might be getting in the way and then you can begin to kind of think a little bit more about okay if I address these things are my foots on the break it gives me a little bit more space to take my foot off and an order that’s the pay attention to what do I do